Random | End of the final semester

It's been a while since my previous update, probably since December. And my final semester is about to end in 2 weeks time. Time flies. We used to complain how regretful we are coming over to KL for Advancd Diploma, how much we miss homes, and hoping the final semester comes sooner. But when it's actually here, we started to feel: "wow! That's too quick. We don't even get ready for that." Anyhow, we're still so excited finally get to go home. Still thanks to my babes aka roommates/housemates who stand with my "too not punctual" attitude all the time. 

March has been a hectic month for this semester, yet the most enjoyable throughout my study life in KL.

Busy with all the mid-terms and coursework, meanwhile having lots of outings and chilling.

There are too much to worry, too much to consider, too much to work on; I guess that's the excuse to chill and to have fun to temporarily get rid of all these.

Considered to withdraw from SHU when I found out there's a possibility of refund, decision confirmed when I actually received my ACCA result on the same day, which actually hit me down to the bottom.

My mood was in a total crush down, I was doubting my ability to continue and not reconcile to it at all.

Feeling so shameful to talk about it as well ! *sob sob*

So, Europe trip cancelled, vacation to Greece doesn't fit into my timetable as well.

Why does everyone get to study abroad and going for a vacation, but I still have to stuck in here working on those ACCA papers?

I need a vacation too!

A short update this time, which pretty sums up my life in the past 3 months.

Will be back once I've done my final exams! :D

Lost

Feeling so lost out of sudden, like I'm in the middle of nowhere. Which way to go? Why, where and how I should proceed? 

For a moment I thought of ending up all of this, stop everything on the hand, cause the situation is already out of my control. I can't help but trying to enjoy every single day of my life. So not me! It's not who I used to be, not totally working hard like I used to. Feeling like I could predict the ending, a dead end over there, yet why is the end so far from here. I've been struggling for some times, should have already got out from the circle if I was still the old me. I hate myself being who I am right now, the helpless and hopeless girl after all.

Random Post | Hard Feeling

Just took a test today. I thought I had well-prepared for it. I thought it would be the easiest to score among the others. I thought I'm confident enough to take the challenge. But I end up feeling there was nothing I could do when I had the paper on my hand. It was totally out of my expected, it's not something I could do. 

I couldn't even understand what the scenario is trying to say. Such a big failure isn't it? I'm now wondering how can I take the remaining 2 papers while I didn't even touch the CR study text yet.

Finally received the notice from college that I have got to pay my remaining school fees. It's shame to admit that I had lost my scholarship. I'm actually trying to hide the truth. Silly me, feeling so shame that I fell out from the full scholar list. Guiltiness kills. 🔫

I was crying when I talked to my mom about it. Getting the money from her. Can you understand that kind of feeling?

What if i could turn the time back?

During the Professional Development class a few weeks ago, my tutor gave us a task, to give a speech with the topics given, but the topic is chosen by draw lots, which means we couldn't choose the topic we like.

So, here's the topics;

• If I have 25 hours a day, I would...
• If I have only 30 days to live, I would...
• If I could turn the time back, I would...
• If I have a car that can fly, I would...

I'm the lucky number 2, and the 25-hour-per-day topic is drawn! Yea. How "lucky" I was. It's really a difficult topic to me as I didn't prepare for it and all of my understanding is that, there's not much things to do for the extra hour. I never thought of the aggregate hours for each year, that's why I'm totally stuck and out of ideas.

I bet most of you would choose the 2nd or 3rd topic right? So do I. 

If I have only 30 days to live, I would:

• travel to my favourite countries: France (Paris, Provence), Venice, New Zealand, Italy (Rome) and so on.
• try out those exciting games I've never dare to play: Bungy jumping
• spend more of my remaining precious time with family and friends
• visit to a few places where I stayed when I was still a baby
• spend every single day going out and blog about it, leaving my best memories

All of these sound so familiar to everyone, yes, I'm not an extraordinary person, so they are the common answers that most of the people will say.

Alright, back to the point. If you could turn the time back to fix things that make you regret, it sounds so great right? I already feel excited imagine about it.

Found a photo of me with the designer clock to suit with the theme, added some effects trying to make it look magical, which is very FAIL actually.

What to do if I could turn back time?

The first thing I'll do is do well in my PMR exam. My result is going up and down all the while, it was totally a downturn in Form 3. Although scoring 6As is already out of my expectation, I still feel so regretful for not being very hardworking on the revision, especially you have a pretty result of scoring straight As for UPSR and SPM, but except PMR. Some might said that nobody will care about PMR, but it's always one of my biggest regret of not being able to have a perfect record.

For the second thing, I wish I never had stop learning my chinese orchestra, the so called "gu-zheng". I'd learnt it for 5 years during my primary school, there was once I was being forced to give it up due to the drop of my result, and I tried hard to get back up cause I really love this orchestra a lot. I used to love Saturday a lot cause it's the day that I could practice it. Unfortunately, during secondary school, I was forced to give up playing "gu-zheng" again, and this is going to be like forever. My lousy school has the instruments and they are not available yet they don't want to repair it. I tried to learn other instrument, "pi-pa", which is one of my favourites too, but I found that I still prefer "gu-zheng". 

If I could turn time back, I really wish I don't have to give it up. In my entire life, "gu-zheng" seems to be the only thing proving that I still have my own hobby, my own interest.

I wish I had joined the training course outside, I wish I had never leave a regret like this.

Running is one of my favourite too. You know what, I used to race with the male classmates after class (primary school). I always enjoy the satisfaction of racing and winning or get beyond the others. I used to participated in the 100m and 4x100m sections on the school Sport Day. I may not be the best, but still considered okay I guess? At least I won the 1st runner up too! During my high school life, I no longer participate in the Sport Day, there was once the teacher asked me to participate the 800m section, but I rejected it saying I don't have the stamina, which is the truth. I still race, in the necessary time (annually), like scoring for my sport's house team, which contributes marks for Sport Day.
If I could turn the time back, I wish I still have the chance to race again. I will ask if the teacher could switch me to the 100m or 4x100m. Even if the answer is a no, at least I tried right? I would probably be a lot better than what I'm doing right now - blogging how regretful I am. I'm a big girl now, no more primary school or high school life, no more racing opportunity. Regret! Regret! Regret!!!

If I could turn back time to reconsider and make a choice again, I would never choose Accounting. Accounting is never my type, it's never in my interest list, instead I'm actually hating it. It's true that choosing something you don't like is much more suffering, now that I understand, but it's already too late. Never choose something people told you. Instead, you should choose something you like, it may not be the best you can do or something you're good in, but if it's something you interested, you'll always be passionate on it and will never be beaten down.

Actually I had thought of choosing Interior Design, but I thought it was just a temporary interest of mine as that time, renovation is going on my new house, and I feel like I've no talent in designing and no creativity. But now I found that I'm not, I'm still interested in it, I always give extra attention whenever I saw those interior stuffs and envy those who actually take the course. And designing can be trained as well.

How am I going to get through the time facing accounting, taxation and audit stuffs in the rest of my life?

I would not come over to KL for my AFA if I could turn time back. It's one of my biggest silly decisions I've made. I always wanted to learn to be independent, yes, I learnt some over here, yet I'm still regretting. The only good thing I found in KL is I get to shop a lot, and more often. For the rest, I could not find anything good. I couldn't get use to the teaching method, the study, the food, the hectic life and everything over here. Should have directly go for ACCA papers in Penang!!!

If I could turn back time, I would definitely maintain who and how I act like in primary school. I know it sounds very unbelievable, but I'm a lot different when I'm in primary school. At least I can mix around with everyone naturally, can play and fool around. Unlike the current characteristics I have now, the consequences of being over-protected. But still I'm trying hard to improve and overcome, like how I I did in primary school, overcome my shyness and fear standing at the stage, facing the crowd during the singing and story telling competitions.

Actually there are still some other things that I did it wrong, and I wish the time could be turn back and allow me to fix the things back to the correct path. But I'm not gonna write about it anymore, cause this blogpost already look like an essay. LOL

Here's a video which could be understood by those 80s or 90s like me. Miss those time a lot!!!

镜子 | 零度的亲吻 Frozen Kiss

其实当初听这首歌时，只是觉得还不错，没什么特别的感触；

可是看了这部微电影，再听这首歌时，感觉变了，

会让自己置身在这首歌的境界里，想象寻找镜子的是自己，

而我是否又有勇气面对过去，面对自己最真实的念想。

置身其境的结果，就是会开始觉得伤感，会感触，会想哭。

一个网友对这部微电影的留言，也是我最认同的：

鏡子反射出另一個自我，哈利波特裡面的意若思鏡反射出內心最深的­渴望；

這裡的鏡子則是反射出 JJ 曾經擁有或是他嚮往過或甚至他看­到過的任何一個畫面。

慢慢看，要挑出適合的鏡子並不容易，慢慢看，要找到真正的自我並­不簡單。

鏡子另一端的忙碌也許就是清閒，反之亦然，JJ 選出來的鏡子反射­出他的渴求或是任何意想中的需要，只能在夜深人靜時，才會得到最­終的沉澱跟安寧。

在明白的瞬間，你才會知道，鏡子的任務結束了，他就只是一面普通­的鏡子。

在這個世界上，一定有一面專屬於自己的鏡子

而那面鏡子所反射出來的，就是自己的想望，忠實且毫無遺漏

當時間背向狂逝而去，你是否有勇氣直視回憶、審視在愛中敗陣的自己？

你会不会认真地去寻找属于自己的镜子？

寻到了，又会不会接受挑战？

会不会有勇气去面对、直视、审视自己的过去呢？

What if...

Have been thinking about a lot of "what if" days ago.

What if I score a straight As in my PMR....

What if I'm more sociable like I was in primary school....

What if I didn't stop learning my favourite orchestra....

What if I joined the school track and field sport as a runner....

What if I played even crazier during my high school....

What if I joined more camping activities.....

What if we never get started....

What if  I never get involved to these bad rumor stuffs....

What if we never had arguments....

What if all of us still get along and celebrate our anniversary....

What if we never tear apart....

What if I didn't opt for accounting....

What if I opt for something I might be more interested, like interior....

What if I never decide to come over to KL....

What if I work harder to make the things right....

Yuppp. A lot of "what if" pop up in my mind, and more to go.

If these "what if" happened, everything I have now will be totally different, I couldn't imagine how my life would be.

Better? Awesome? Amazing? Mess? Sucks? 

But what's with these "what if", we never get to change any of them.

We never get to travel back and changed the decision or behaviour we had.

No matter you like it or not, you gotta get through every stage, make decision that you might regret or glad some day.

I made lots of mistakes through these years, have been regretting and thinking that many things would be different if I fix it right, somehow I never get beaten down by these wrong decisions, I'm glad that till now I'm still standing to fight against every obstacles I encounter.

Here's an article that I  saw it from a website, a nurse revealed the top 5 regrets that people say while they are deadly-sick. It's really meaningful. *thumbs up*

So,

Happy New Year in advance!

Year 2012, I'm gonna say goodbye to you now, thanks for not treating me real bad.

And hello year 2013, please be good to me. *pray*

A quote that I like it recently: 纽扣第一颗就扣错了，可你扣到最后一颗才发现。 有些事一开始就是错的，可只有到最后才不得不承认。

보고싶어

Missing you, 보고싶어 (boh-goh-shi-puh)

After watching a few episodes, not more than 5 of them, and I'm already telling my friend that this drama is crazy, and a little bit "byeontae" (pervert in korean). Alright, it's not really pervert as written, but it's really very dramatic.
Murderer, school bully, kidnap, rape and etc. It happened in the first 4 episodes, dramatic isn't it? Anyway, it made me cry too, pity-ing them like a lot. Somehow I couldn't wait to fast-forward, since I could guess that they aren't going to meet until they grew up. Looking forward for the coming episodes, I mean so far there's only 9 episodes were aired, and it only air twice a week, so it's still long to go. 


Anyway, I'm coming home next week, after the last presentation. Owhhhh. Can't waiitttttt!
Yet final is just around the corner too! Nervous? Worry? Anxious? Stress? Mixture of all i guess?
What should I do? Seems like everything is a lot tougher here. Regretting of coming over, regretting of choosing AFA, regret more for the decision I made in choosing accounting!!! Why? Should have chosen interior design? Would it be better?

Someone once said it's okay to make mistake at this age, because someday when they ask what we want to be, we'll be able to answer without guessing. I don't know what the others think of, but I personally agree with it. Maybe it's just an excuse to comfort myself for making the wrong decision? Who knows. 

Actually I'm inspired by Twilight for this statement. *wink wink* 

Make as many mistakes as you can that when someday they asked us what we want to be, we won't have to guess, 

| Emo issue of the day |
No one else is left. No one. They do have people around, but neither me. Such a failure isn't it? Like the forever alone kind. No one else to talk with, no place to express, no shoulder to lean on. *self-depression on-going* Feel like I'm gonna burst soon!
Especially missing home whenever I happen to meet this kind of situation. *sob sob*

I wanna go home so badly!!!! 

To Go or Not?

As you can see the symbol I scrawled on my photo, there are millions and billions of question marks appearing in my mind. They are playing hide and seek I guess?

Biggest issue at the moment: to go or not??!

Questioning myself hard and so frequent now, when the day is getting closer and closer.

Yea, exam is just around the corner, I really don't have much time to consider anymore.

There was once when I decided to stay at my hometown, taking the external papers; it's really a big relief when I made such decision, cause I'm really not that good in settling those house keeping stuffs and taking care of myself.

That time, whether I would be able to learn independence doesn't matter anymore cause I knew I really prefer to stay.

But now when I knew that there is an exemption of a few papers, which wouldn't be able to find if I study here, my mind started to question whether to stay or not?

It's about 2 years, not really that long actually, but it might be when I'm in a moody situation.

And you know, some sort of privacy issue, about myself being a "double-face-person", kinda worry if I would be able to adapt to the new environment, despite of the issue that I'll be learning independence there.

So, to go or not?

*still wondering around

Love or Being Loved? | 粉爱粉爱你

I'm temporarily free from the 'busy-with-coursework-weeks', feel like blogging about the drama I watched last month, which is 粉爱粉爱你. Uhmm. The ending is kind of similar with 单身男女, which the girl end up choosing the one who loves her more, instead of the one she loves.

For me, it's an interesting topic; as you know, in the usual movies or dramas, the girl will choose the first male lead (第一男主角）, also the one she loves; but these two are the exceptions.

单身男女

She chose the one who stay by her and cheer her up all the time, instead of the flirty guy who she loves deeply (although the guy is willing to change for her).

粉爱粉爱你

The girl（乐蒂） w/ the first male lead (宇杰）

They like each other, but there is an issue between them -- 宇杰's ex girlfriend who lost her memory.

乐蒂 with the 2nd male lead (少风）

乐蒂 falls for 少风 at first because he's always helping her whenever she's in trouble, then slowly when she get to know more about 宇杰, she changed her mind.

He's always there to lend her his shoulder, cheer her up, helping her to get together with his brother -- 宇杰.

The drama actually didn't mention clearly that 乐蒂 is choosing 少风，but what I know is, she can't left him behind and choose to be with 宇杰.

Obviously 少风 means something to her, as she said, she's so tired that she always has to catch up with 宇杰, carry on the burden, and also need to accept the fact that he will put her ex girlfriend at the first place in certain situations.

And she's so touch that 少风 always put her at the first place, not forcing her but supporting her at all time.

(“我想要的，是不用回头，就知道他的心，眼神，一定正专注凝视我，可以让我无后顾之忧的依赖他，知道他是我背后的力量，让我安心的继续往前走”）

I know many people disagree with the ending of these movie & drama, yet I'm totally loving it. Why choose someone that will be hesitating to make changes for you or someone who doesn't put you at the first place? I really prefer someone who can always lend me a shoulder. Okay, it's only my opinion, a rational one. 

我要騎士，不要王子！

But, perhaps when I'm in this situation, my heart would probably choose the one I love, who is also the one hurting me?

Who will you choose by following your heart?

                       And who will you choose in rational?

 ＬＯＶＥ　ｏｒ　ＢＥＩＮＧ　ＬＯＶＥ？

王子？還是騎士？

从前从前，电话总是不孤独，总是不落单，总是和我形影不离的出现

从前从前，三不五时传简讯跟朋友聊八卦，日子过得简单，却很充实

后来，有了男朋友，电话虽然不孤独，却和朋友少了谈天说地的时间

后来的后来，分了手，又过回了以前的生活，不同的是，电话孤独了

不再三不五时传简讯聊八卦；不再诉说谁和谁得不好，谁和谁的不对

长大了，成熟了，烦恼多了，忧愁多了`，优点埋没了，缺点被放大了

林林总总，不该说的没说，该说的也没说，收叠在心里筑成一栋高楼

日子久了，就越来越沉默，越来越沉得住气，久而久之养成了坏习惯

透不过气想找人聊聊时，才发现瓶口已封了好多年，想打也打不开了

该怎么开口，该怎么回忆起，该从哪里开始，该怎么说，该怎么挖掘

一字一句，说不出口，没了那个习惯，就好像再也没办法回到过去了

诉说心事是一回事，聊八卦又是另一回事，但两者总能轻易扯上关系

那些年，我过得很好，每天聊是非，聊八卦，生活有乐趣，也很充实

这些年，我也过得很好，少了宣泄心情的地方，我努力地禰补坏习惯

总算达到了个平衡点，虽然压抑不是件好事，但已错过了开口的时机

我仍在努力发掘更好的自己，也努力找寻曾经属于自己最真挚的个性

Complicated

I hate this kind of feeling! I couldn't describe what and how is it.
But there really is some kind of feeling inside my heart. Itt makes me feel so uncomfortable.
It really shouldn't be in this way. I shouldn't feel this way.
All the time I knew that there's nothing, somehow I feel it this way now.
It's impossible I didn't realize the changes! What's wrong actually? What's going on with my feeling and my heart?
And why did you interrupt me? There wouldn't be anything if it goes on the way that it should be.

我看似拥有一切，我看似比谁都幸福

但我却比谁都没信心，比谁都还自卑
一个人炫耀什麼，说明内心缺少什麼，
一个人越在意的地方，就是最令他自卑的地方
所以面对你时，总是最自卑的

总是希望被关注，总是想被别人认同

因为太过于在乎别人的眼光，和看法

所以我总是跟随众人大致认同的建议

别人的意见总是胜过自己的想法

久而久之也变得没有主见了

不管是谁，见了都觉得讨厌

就连自己也一天比一天厌烦

一天比一天更嫌弃自己


可是，该有的原则，我始终不为任何人而让步
因为只有坚持，到最后我才会不会沦陷
我知道你们觉得莫名其妙
我知道你们都在笑我傻，笑我是怪咖
但也只有在原则方面
我才可以那么的始终如一，那么坚持己见

Issue.

Semester 1's result has released this morning, but I haven't check it yet. I don't know why I'm not as nervous as before (I mean the time when I was about to get UPSR, PMR or SPM's result, I started to to feel nervous one or few days before). Well, for now I won't get nervous until I start to browse my college webpage, cause I knew that I could do nothing to change the result at this moment, it's all depend on my hard work before, so all I can do is to pray.


Back to the main topic now. It's gonna be a long post. So be patient and read till the end, if can do leave some comments. *wink*
It's exactly a year left till the day I complete my diploma course. Time flies, it's like just a blink of eye I have studied in TARC for more than one year, and another year later, I'm going to graduate as a diploma holder, how fast is it. And I'm growing older as well. 


There is an issue bordering me lately, where am I suppose to continue my study after diploma? Outstation? Or overseas? 

1. I've got some opinions from my tutor, he advised me to study advance diploma in KL for 2 years and at the same time complete all the ACCA papers within that period. He said he believe I am capable of doing so. 
2. But for me, I want to go somewhere else further, like SG which is suggested my parents. But according to my  tutor, he  only consider NUS as a good university in accounting and so far he knew no where else which provide ACCA lecturing, so even if I have my degree there, I couldn't come back to take ACCA paper cause it would be difficult for me. Seriously I'm very confuse too. Especially I knew that NUS only accept STPM leavers and those who studied A-Level, but neither do I am. Besides, I did some research but turned out I couldn't find any ACCA course or lecturing in SG.

I really hope to be a degree holder and at the same time complete all the ACCA papers within that period. 


One of the main reasons that I want to study in SG so much is because, it' has a distance from my hometown, yet it's not too far away. I'm always so dependent on everyone around me, both parents and friends. It's not a very good sign cause I never get to learn to be independent. Just like my current situation, I'm still studying in my hometown, having friends studying in the same college, and the same class too. Okay. I know that it's always the best to be together with family and friends all the time, but for a person like me, it sometimes make things turn worst, cause I'll never go and know more people, instead I'll always stick with the same group of people. While living together with parents, I've totally no worry at all, cause I know they are always by my side, prepare and put me at their concerns. Just like what my mum told me, I have everything here when I am with them, but when I further my study, I'm gonna learn to handle everything by myself, and it's gonna be very tough for a person like me.


Omg omg. *tears stream down while I'm typing this post*
I can't imagine if one day I really leave my hometown to continue my study. I'm definitely gonna have home-sick and missing everyone as well as everything here. And I think I'll definitely crying like there's no tomorrow when the day I leave. Alright, not gonna say too much about that, that's what I should worry about a year later. And now there's an issue needed to be concerned at the first place, where am I suppose to go? I'm totally out of idea now.

What I expect, it never come true; but what I don't expect, it always happens. 

So I learned not to expect for the good ones, 

cause when there's no expectation, there will be no dissappointment.

一直以来，只拥有极为限制性的生活圈子
身边的人屈指可数
如今，突然发现身边似乎一个人也没有
少了以往的关注
现在的我，就只是一个人在活着
活在只有我的世界，真么看都觉得很孤独
怎么想都觉得很无奈

Miss the pass, Look forward to the future

Blog is not updated for weeks again, I'm busy-ing with the tests and assignments. Yes! A semester is coming to an end. Started to feel really stressful. And I'm now updating my blog at new-opening Tesco by using iPad which is the very first time. My phone is getting so troublesome and sucks recently, was thinking to change a new one, yet it's only one year old plus. Shouldn't break my record because of it right? I'm gonna try my best to keep using it until next year!

Alright, back to the topic now.

Am missing the past so so much, especially those precious moments, thinking back all these is really fun. Yet I don't feel like going back to the past just as usual. This time, I wanna move forward. Actually this thought surprised me a lot. It's just like I miss my old hair style, which is straight and long, but I like my current one too. It's not ironic at all. You can miss the past and look forward to the future at the same time. Nobody knows what would it be in the future, so why not you look forward?

A letter to my lovely grandpa

Qing Ming Festival, the actual day falls on today. Actually it doesn't mean anything to me.

Cause I never been even once.

Every year when friends and relatives go to cheng beng, I actually just stay at home doing my own things.

I wanted to go, I mean it.

Not because I'm hardworking or what, I just feel like paying respect to the ancestors.

And I do curious what we have to prepare and do for the praying ceremony.

I still remember in the primary school, when we were required to write an essay about Qing Ming Festival, I did know how to write it even I never been or do before. Do you know why?

Cause I can refer to the essay books! =D

Don't you realise that those essay actually start with almost the same statements,

which is: “清明节时雨纷纷，路上行人欲断魂” ?

Oh yea, I used to imagine the scenes and situations while reading those essays.

*I've forgotten to mention that I love chinese essays, I always do. I've been reading a lot, especially those which are able to attract my attention.*

Alright, back to the topic.

I have been thinking to go to the temple, which is somewhere near Snake Temple, (I suppose it is at Bayan Lepas huh?) to pray my grandpa.

I didn't been to there for about 1-2 years.

I roughly know how to go there, but I'm not sure if I know the road to go back home.

So I cancelled the plan at the end. 

Sorry. But I promise will find a time to pay you a visit.

Miss you grandpa! ♥

Grandpa had a very hard time when he was still here.

I heard from my mummy that grandpa was a tricycle-man.

He didn't get the chance to enjoy easy life.

He died in a sickness which is something related to the stomach, I'm not sure if it's cancer or what.

Cause everything happened in a sudden. Nobody had expected it.

When he passed away, I was still in standard 2 or 3.

That time I couldn't feel and understand the sadness or pain of losing a close relative, but I cried on the funeral day.

When I heard the song, I actually cried, and suddenly I felt like I understood that I lost grandpa forever. *tears*

I didn't get a chance to take a photo with him too.

Dear grandpa,

Do R.I.P. Hope that this will never be too late to say it.

I actually don't remember every moments when we were together, but I remember your kindness and the love to all of us.

I remember those you've did for us. Nice one!

But so sad that I have lost all of them.
And I remember the familiar almond smell too. A drink that you like.

I sincerely pray that you will have a better and happy time on the next life.

And on your next live, don't smoke anymore. Smoking brings harm to your health.

Will remember you always.

Love you & miss you.

Till here then.

Your sincerely grandchild.

Do you know who I am?

我很念旧的，你知道吗？

Do you really understand me? Do you really know me well?

Do you know anything about my past?

Well, I guess not all of you know about that.

I never tell anyone about the situation I had when I was small.

All of you must be thinking that I was  treated like a princess when I was just a little kid right?

If that is what you are thinking of, then you are totally wrong!

I remember that day when I said that, "when I was small, I seldom have the chance to eat McD or KFC cause my family couldn't afford it.", I got funny and various of reactions.

They were all looking me like an alien, with the unbelievable, you must be kidding, and shock expressions.

And I do got an interesting reply, someone said, "I never know that -  couldn't afford , these words will come out from your mouth."

Well, they are the truth.

But I had very happy moments that sometimes, the present environment couldn't be compared with.

I wasn't come from a very rich family, especially when I was small.

Who else know that I had lived in several rented houses?

Who will ever believe that I couldn't even have fast food once in a month?

Who else know that the money matter will become the main reason that caused argument between siblings?

I know!

With money, you can purchase lots of stuffs.

But money does cause arguments as well.

No matter you are besties, siblings or relatives; when it comes to money matter, it actually ruin relationship.

Yet I am not saying that everyone acts in this way.

There are people who still put relationship on the first place.

When everyone around me is spending, I am not.

I knew someone might opined that I am stingy. *well, I don't mind*

However, I just want to clarify that I am not.

I want to spend as well.

Girls never stop to shop even if their wardrobes are already full.

So do I. But, I don't have money!

I don't know how and where the hell they find money to shop!

I just couldn't find any.

I have been facing money problem that since last year, I never able to save money.

I am not spending a lot. But where have the money been to? I have totally no idea.

I feel so sick of that.

Whenever I saw nice clothes, accessories, books or whatever things that attracted me, I will be thinking to buy. But when I think of the money matter on the next moment, all I can do is to cancel the plan. ='(

Yea. I might be stingy on some matters.
I might be fussing on some matters.

But I was trained to do so, that wasn't what I really want.

And sometimes though I fuss or mumble about that, I still willing to spend at the end.

Till here then. Will blog when I'm able to think of more.

Btw, final is just around the corner, which is on the next Mon.

But I'm blogging and chasing after drama instead of revising.

So good luck to myself and all the Tarcians.

Hopefully I'm able to control myself to focus more on the exam matter. 

当地球180度转弯，白天就要变成黑夜；

当地球继续180度转弯，黑夜又恢复白天；

当我为了一个人180度转弯，我背对着我叹息，

当我为了自己再次180度转弯，一切可以重新开始。

*赌*

人生就像一场赌局

有输；有赢

需要一点点智慧；

一点点经验；

一点点勇气；

还有一点点运气

可是人生还多了一样不可缺的：人脉

那天，听说了，

有些人成绩不太好，依然想尽办法让他进名校

知道原因吗？

居然是因为，为了让他们认识多一点有钱人

好让他们以后出了社会，有一点那样的人脉，也许会有帮助

很可笑吧？但它却是不可否认的事实

也是我由始至终都缺的！

赌，有些人可以赌上家产；赌上未来；赌上一辈子

却也轻而易举的失去所有

真的值得吗？

虽然有时，有些事情确实该赌一赌，搏一搏

但总该适可而止吧？

*只是突然有感而发*

我，不会再把赌注下在没把握的赌局上了

因为，不值得；

因为，找不到理由；

因为，失去了勇气；

只因为，我从没赢过

The Love, towards English?

I just remember of the FCE exam. I missed it last year due to the trip to Singapore. I was informed that the exam has been postponed when I came back from the trip, but that was too late for me to register it.

This year, I was thinking not to miss it again. Unfortunately, the HK trip attracts me. And I don't feel like miss out both of them. I will have a check on the exam time, if it does crash with the trip, I might have to wait for the another year again.

Seriously, having two Singapore certificates are truly not enough. I need at least a FCE certificate.

In the strong competition environment like this, without unique talents or skills, these certs will be the only hopes.

I can write, in simple English.

I can read, in the correct pronunciation, but of cause not those deep words.

I can speak, but not smooth enough.

What a shame to admit that I was actually English educated, when I was small.

Yes. Very small, which was in kinder-garden.

That kinder-garden really emphasize on English.

I don't really remember if they teach Chinese subject, but I remember all the kids are required to speak in English.

That's the reason I was sent to there.

I was able to speak smoothly during that period but I just can't do it now. *sad case*

Alright, I'm going to improve my English from time to time! (which I have already promised myself like more than 5 times?)

Anyway, I want to clarify something here.

Don't ever think that I'm a clever, brilliant or intelligent person. I never is.

I always memorize, memorize everything, but of cause end up with just remember part of them.

That's already enough actually. The rest is common sense and throw whatever I think it is related to the question.

I do that whenever there is a exam. Especially to those parts that I totally don't understand, memorize is the only way I can do instead of just giving up like that.

And I'm a straight-minded person.

I think straight. I never think well and in different ways, because I'm not capable of.

I always wish that I'm not a straight-minded.

Maybe that will be troublesome and worries might increase as well, but I just want to have a try.

I can only handle those so-called "dead stuffs", means things which are already fixed.

For those things which always change and seem to have a trap there, I just can't handle it and figure out the solution.

Till here then. Will have test on Wed and Thurs.

*Pray real hard*